You Don’t Have to Be Grateful for Everything to Be Okay

Around this time of year, there’s a lot of pressure to focus on gratitude. Social media fills up with thankfulness posts, and phrases like “just be grateful” or “look on the bright side” seem to pop up everywhere.

While gratitude can be powerful, it can also feel painful or hollow when you’re struggling. The truth is, you don’t have to be grateful for everything to be okay.

When Gratitude Feels Forced

If you’ve been through loss, trauma, or burnout, hearing that you “should be grateful” can sound dismissive. It can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you for feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed.

But feeling grateful doesn’t mean ignoring pain. Real gratitude and hard emotions can coexist—you can appreciate moments of beauty and acknowledge that life is hard right now. Both are true.

The Problem With “Toxic Positivity”

Toxic positivity shows up when we try to rush past pain or convince ourselves that things “aren’t that bad.” But healing happens when we allow our full range of emotions—not just the pleasant ones.

You’re allowed to feel frustrated, lonely, or uncertain, even if you also know you have good things in your life. Accepting all of your feelings actually makes space for more genuine gratitude to grow.

How to Practice Real Gratitude (Not Forced Gratitude)

Instead of trying to feel thankful for everything, try noticing something that feels okay or comforting in the moment. It doesn’t have to be profound—just real.

You might try:

• “I’m grateful that I got out of bed today, even though it was hard.”

• “I’m thankful for my pet, who doesn’t expect me to have it all together.”

• “I appreciate that I’m giving myself time to rest.”

Gratitude is a practice of noticing, not perfection.

Therapy Can Help You Hold Both Gratitude and Grief

You don’t need to force positivity to heal. In therapy, we can explore how to hold space for the full truth of your experience—gratitude, grief, and everything in between.

I offer therapy for anxiety, depression, and trauma in Snoqualmie, WA, and online counseling across Washington, Colorado, and Texas. Together, we can help you reconnect with yourself and find a sense of balance that feels real—not performative.